hi there.

it’s been a minute, I’m not going to even try to argue with you. students are here, work has begun, we’re three days into classes, and I haven’t taken a break in three weeks. I’m surprised to say this, but I have missed writing daily. for as much as I complain about not having enough to say, I love the practice of sitting down and writing.

but not surprisingly, the semester is a lot busier than the summer is, so I don’t have as much disposable scrolling time. and now that I’m enrolled in four classes, I’ve got a lot of work to do.

even as I write this, my mind is traveling to the reading and papers that I have due — it’s a lot, now that I think about it. hopefully not too much. it’s a good thing I’m not doing everything I thought about doing. praise God for daniel — he talks me off all kinds of ledges.

We had dinner together on Monday night and talked about all of the adjustments that we need to make with and for each other, now that we’re in the semester. we’re continuing to encounter new experiences: this is the first time one of us is a full time student, one of us is a full time employee, and we’re married.

you know me, so any type of routine reform means major routine reform as far as I’m concerned — why stop at our calendar, when we can reform our eating habits, our lifestyles, our budget….? writing it out like this makes me feel like an extremist, but I guess there are worse things to be extreme about.

I’ve been working welcome weeks for five years now, and I’m getting older. They’re getting harder faster. Praise God that my health is in good shape — because although I’m struggling significantly, it could be so much worse. My head is in good shape, even though my knees and ankles are swollen thick. As I grow in humility, I grow in my ability to confess defeat, and every year I try less and less to prove that I can overcome my physical weakness.

We all know it: I hate telling people that I can’t move carpet squares or carry tables or drag the cart of tablecloths up the hill. But I’m getting better at doing it anyways and tapping out — just not until I try to move one or two, at least. (I just have to check every time to make sure I haven’t been miraculously healed.)

all jokes aside, learning to admit to myself that I don’t need to do everything, I don’t need to prove myself, I don’t need to be the essential one, has been so good for me. I know this is theologically significant — I can’t be my own savior. But it is also practically significant — trusting others around me to thrive in my absence is important too. I have a long way to go, but I’m learning.

I have a lot of hopes and dreams at the start of the semester. Who knows what I’ll get around to or accomplish, but I do hope that I prioritize abiding over accomplishing. That as I abide with the Lord, with the Spirit, with my husband, and with our church, that my work will overflow naturally from that in a way that brings glory to God and none to myself. I don’t want to just prove myself, or improve myself — but to live a life of dependence, contentment, and joy. I have a long way to go on these — so much to grow in.

One day at a time, one step at a time. Lord, direct my steps.